top of page

Forced or Chosen

Did you have to come to this party or did you get to?

Did you have to work today or did you get to?

Do you have to follow those rules or do you get to?


When I was a kid I attended a camp that reframed all their rules as "get tos." It was a smart diversion to try to help campers WANT to do what was expected of them. They gathered together at the beginning of the week and asked, "What do you want this week to look like for us? What kind of week to do you kids want to have?" It gave them the freedom to choose their obedience rather than feeling forced. Did it work? Most took ownership of building the community they wanted to be a part of.


Any activity can be perceived wildly differently depending on which direction you come from. I know this painfully well from engaging with my very strong-willed son. He will almost never agree to do things I think he should do if I tell him he has to. And he's caught on that asking him to do something but then making him do it even when he says he doesn't want to isn't any better. He will ask me now, "Is this an actual choice?" He desires free choice so much that I've learned I have to let most things go one-hundred percent if I want him to live well. Otherwise he will cut off his nose to spite his face.


Most of us are the same. We want a choice. Trauma imposes the exact opposite. It forces us into vulnerable positions we do not want to be in. In order to be set free we have to run. We have to take hold of the things we can control and do something with them.


So what is in your jurisdiction today? What do you actually have control over? Own your choices, take some action and set yourself free.


Unsplash Krysztof Kowalik

8 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


bottom of page