The first time I found porn I was about eleven at a friend's house. At that point it was interesting and odd, but definitely already had a whiff of shame on it. By the time I found it on the internet it was so wrapped in secrecy that I dared tell NO ONE even as an adult what I had seen or where I had seen it and definitely not that I CHOSE TO WATCH IT. I even denied it when a friend found it on my browser history.
What is the allure of porn? Well, for starters it's sexual behavior, which our brains are wired to be interested in. But as much as it's interesting, it quickly becomes arousing, and once we're aroused (especially if to the point of orgasm), our brains start to pump out oxytocin—the BONDING hormone.
Then it becomes a zero sum game. Porn wins. I lose. I can't fight my brain's amazing power to bond with the images and mediums I'm looking at when I feel "in love." And yet, those images and mediums give me NOTHING in return. They don't protect me. They don't fight for me. They don't give me anything but a moment's pleasure, cashed in for a powerful connection to nothingness, or even worse, a lie of a relationship.
Pretty quickly my resources ($$), my energy, my heart, my attention, and my attraction are pulled from my ACTUAL community to feed an entity that doesn't give back. I find it harder to enjoy real humans and real connection, because frankly they take more work than clicking a button.
Unsplash photo cred: Priyanka R
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