Ready to Grow Up? (Emotional Child Version)

Emotional children are essentially adults whose emotional development has been stunted by trauma, lack of opportunity, or lack of accountability. Emotional children remain emotionally dependent on others, often hyper-focused on the approval of others and unattuned to their own needs. They struggle to care for themselves, discipline their own behavior, and behave responsibly.

They are sometimes "good little boys and girls," perfectionists who beat themselves up when they fail or hide their failures even from themselves to avoid the shame they feel or the punishment they anticipate. Emotional children often find it difficult to regulate their own emotions.

Are you an emotional child? If you'd like to grow up, here are some steps you can take:

1. Start paying attention to how you feel. Admit your feelings to yourself and figure out ways to express them without using them as weapons.

2. Learn how to self-regulate. Emotional adults know what they need to do in order to calm themselves down. They build multiple safe relationships that can help them co-regulate when necessary, but they also have a solid tool bag of tricks to manage in the meantime.

3. Learn how to get mad. When something isn't working in your life, it's important to recognize the emotion of anger and use the energy to alter your own course in a productive way (rather than just blaming or attacking others).

4. Breathe through the uncomfortable. Just because things are hard doesn't mean they're impossible. Learning to sit with discomfort is an essential part of being an emotional adult. Regularly distracting yourself (or numbing) from the uncomfortable only kicks the can down the road for you to have to deal later and delays learning and growth.

5. Be your own parent. Instead of seeking permission from others, decide for yourself what you think is best. Community support is important, but looking only to others for what is right or wrong leaves you at risk of being manipulated by self-centered authority figures.

6. Own your life. Emotional adults take responsibility for themselves. They don't blame others or sit in victimhood. They may have to weather some hits, but they don't stay down. They pick themselves back up and figure out what to do next. When they fail, they acknowledge their fault and decide to do better.

All of us have had moments of immaturity. All of us were dealt a few bad cards. If you've found yourself in a place where you're unhappy or unsatisfied with your lot, you don't have to stay there. For more support check out a local counseling group for some one-on-one help.

Unsplash: Muhammad Kamal Azizi