Saying Goodbye

I had a friend in college who hated goodbyes. He would annoyingly sneak out of every get-together without even a wink. We thought it was strange, but shrugged it off as his way to avoid unnecessary sentimentality. We liked this guy. We enjoyed his company. His disappearing act often left us wondering what happened... Was he mad at us? Did he get sick? His exits were loose ends in our joint story. We always hoped he would come back. Eventually he didn't.

As greetings are important for setting the tone of joy and friendliness in our togetherness, our goodbyes bind us together until we meet again.

To skip hellos and goodbyes is to operate somewhat robotically. Like we just have to get through this drudge of life, but we don't really care to be doing it together. We can hang on to one another by believing the best, but after a while without confirmation and clarity the bonds begin to fray.

Saying goodbye brings grief. If the time apart will be long, we feel the tear of losing some connection. Parting even briefly can be sorrowful. A goodbye and a "no thank you to this relationship" is even more painful, as it carries the sting of rejection. But walking away without saying goodbye at all implies the connection wasn't even worth an honorable ending.

Saying goodbye can also bring peace. A deep embrace, body to body, is a moment to cherish how much we love each other, before we go. The salutation is a confirmation that we're good and stepping apart on good terms.

A deliberate refusal to say goodbye, while a method to temporarily avoid some hard feelings, is inconsiderate to the one being left and frankly unkind to yourself as well! Avoiding hard feelings on the regular is a recipe for mental illness. It takes a lot energy to avoid pain, energy that you need for everyday living.

So say goodbye in a clear way, whether it is goodbye for now or goodbye forever. Honor the connections you make with other humans by acknowledging your relationships in the greetings and the partings.

Unsplash: Priscilla Du Preez