Because he's attuned. He's got a skill we all appreciate—being paid close attention to. Of course we don't want to be stalked and hunted like prey, but you have to admit for at least a minute it feels real good to have someone lavishing you with interest.
When most people get married they are excited to connect to a partner long-term who is the "love of their life." Most people don't recognize the toll familiarity will play on the joy in their relationship. They think as long as they keep walking forward together things will be alright. They enjoy each other. They build a life together. But they also labor in the meantime and often… they end up getting bored with the same old, same old… and then they tune out.
Enter in: the player. The guy (or girl!) who is different from your spouse. To them you are interesting, fascinating, and impressive. They don't have the baggage of yesterday's missed steps, dirty dishes, and financial woes. There's a sense of mystery about them. Maybe even a few of the perks you always wish your spouse had. AND they're paying attention to YOU—something that hasn't happened in a long time.
The equation for an affair is pretty simple actually:
Familiarity + Adulting = LONGING TO BE SEEN.
If you want a different equation for your life you're going to have to add a few more elements, because I'm telling you—the players are out there. I wish I hadn't heard the story as many times as I have. They're just being themselves, taking advantage of the opportunity to connect.
Take action now to really see the one you love. Let yourself be seen and ask for what you want from your partner. Remember each other, for the rush of the moment with a new stranger costs much more than a couple of batted eyelashes.
Nathan DeFiesta
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